Being together yet apart?

This past weekend, my close girl friends from Seattle paid a surprise visit to celebrate my birthday. Strangely the past two weeks leading up to this weekend, I had been feeling extremely homesick or rather longing to find a place of belonging. I've been surrounded by such amazing people in L.A., yet I couldn't help feeling like a drifter without a permanent home. This lifestyle of a transient was one that I had confidently preached about and prayed that I would take up when I left Seattle. Easier said than done I guess. At times I wonder if I could ask God to undo the things that I asked for. 

Perhaps God had heard my whining and He answered by graciously sending my friends from Seattle to comfort me. I had absolutely no idea that they were coming and had thought that I was hallucinating at one point when I saw them sitting in my room. I was speechless and numb. Just that night I was venting to my small group about how much I missed home and my friends...and hours later these same friends that I have missed had flown all the way out from Seattle to surprise me on my birthday! They're kinda crazy like that. When I saw them, all I could do was cry...actually weeping would be a closer depiction. I think it was partly due to the shock of thinking I was hallucinating at one point and being so thankful and humbled that I would get such a gift.

I spent the entire weekend hanging out with the girls and neglected my studies. Even when we did nothing, it was so nice and I felt once again like I belonged somewhere. I realize that it wasn't so much about missing Seattle, but rather the people in Seattle. It's funny because when I came home after saying goodbye to my friends, I felt empty again and had to come to God for comfort. It is no coincidence that He led me to read Philippians 1 where Paul is sending his greetings to the believers in Philippi. One thing that Paul said caught my attention. He writes, "I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me" (Php 1.7). Paul was miles and miles away, perhaps sitting in a dark prison cell, as he wrote this letter to his friends in Philippi. The crazy thing about Paul's letter is that his tone doesn't express loneliness or struggle but rather thankfulness and joy towards God when he thinks of his friends. Even though he was clearly alone, he says that he is not alone because his friends are in his heart.  Seriously...talk about a super Christian...geez!

I have no idea how Paul keeps his friends in his heart or what that even means. It sounds a bit cheesy and cliche--like how we teach kid's at church to say, "Jesus is my heart!" But as silly and naive it sounds, I can't help but want what Paul had. I seriously don't know how he did it, but I wonder if it was a result of lifting constant prayer for his friends. Maybe that's what is missing in my friendships. I think I always think of receiving more than giving in all my relationships. Sometimes I calculate what they've done for me before I make myself vulnerable and reach out to them first. Maybe it's to protect myself from getting hurt from rejection, but ironically I find myself feeling even more empty and alone when I do that. Maybe instead of waiting to receive, I need to first initiate by giving to others first. Give more of my time, my effort towards communicating, and most importantly, I need to give prayer. I need to pray more for those I love. Maybe as I pray, by the grace of God, He will draw my heart closer to those I love--so that even if we are physically standing miles apart, we can remain close.