Praise Him in the Desert

As I was planning for my move down to LA, the passage that God had been giving me was Philippians 2:12-14. Like the great Apostle Paul, I too wanted to experience leaving my comfort, my homeland in pursuit of God's promise land. What started out with great enthusiasm and excitement for the next chapter eventually tapered down to uncertainty, anxiety, and even resentment towards my decision to move down. I questioned why God brought me to this place and my longing to go back was at time almost unbearable. Perhaps it was no different than what the Israelites experienced when they reached the desert after leaving Egypt. They were sick of slavery and were excited about reaching the promise land, but when realized the journey took longer than expected and as they experienced discomfort from camping out, they quickly began to grumble and wished to return back to Egypt. What they failed to see was God's daily provision of manna and his glory leading them in the pillar of clouds day by day. They quickly became fixed on the material, the carnal and took their eyes off the spiritual abundance and blessings during their transit. I too suffered from a case of spiritual blindness and became near-sighted by the hustle and bustle of the city, discomfort of cooking/cleaning for myself, being stripped of a home church, close friends, family and financial security. Although I knew in my heart that God was with me and He would provide, my head would clutter with fear and anxiety about how I would eat, drink, or finance the days to come. I have come to realize how utterly spoiled and selfish I had been growing up under the rich provision of my family and friends.

One by one, God began to open my eyes towards his provision. For one, He taught me the true meaning of sharing through neighbors who lacked material wealth but had generous hearts. They would share produce, meat, and other snacks that they bought at a discount store or received as donation from the food bank. At first, it was a bit strange to accept such gifts when I had nothing to offer, but I began to learn that sharing has nothing to do with how much you have, but rather what you are willing to give up and sacrifice for the sake of others. God reminded me that I don't really need, nor can i really finish and entire box of tea or eat the entire bag of oranges or potatoes. So I too began to give up a portion of my goods in exchange for the joy of passing it onto others.Unexpectedly my neighbors will share cookies, kimchi, and even a solo coffee maker that they no longer needed, and my fridge and my apartment became full of things I never had expected. This was my manna from God. Not saying that manna equals food or material goods, but my manna was God's provision and love demonstrated by the selfless acts of brothers and sisters in the community of God. This was something money couldn't buy because all this came with sacrifice...what little they had, they knew how to give up for the sake of blessing others. A glimpse of what the Acts 2 church may have looked like.

Although this may be only the tip of the iceberg, if this is what God wanted to teach me by bringing me 1500 miles away from home, it has been well worth the journey. I have never been so certain that God looks after us when we are in the desert, and the desert is a crucial transition point if I ever want to enter into the promise land. I thought when I left Seattle, LA was the promise land...the land flowing with milk and honey. But I had forgotten that we must always cross the desert in order to get to the promise land. We must all be stripped, like Jesus and his faithful disciples, of our comfort and leave our homeland if we want to enter God's home. For me, it was indeed moving from Seattle to LA, but more than the move itself, it was learning to change my mentality from me providing for myself, to allowing God to provide for me. It was letting go my agenda on where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do and listening and obeying God on where He wants me to go and do what He wants me to do. The desert is a crucial training period before entering into the promise land...and I, by the grace of God, am in training.

I had the opportunity to listen to the Senior Pastor of my home church speak at a local church in Pasadena this weekend. I was astonished by the way that God reminded me again of my purpose and calling. Even if I forget the calling that God once had for me, God never forgets and He gracefully reminds me of His heart if I take the time to listen. Something the pastor had said that particularly struck me was that, "True happiness and joy does not depend on whether we're healthy or sick, whether we're rich or poor; but it depends on whether we are where God calls us to be and whether we are doing what He wants us to do." This thought once again reminded me of how God first spoke to me thru Philippians 2. Not looking back to the past, nor worrying about what will exactly happen in the future, but I need to have faith that there is a promise that I WILL ENTER THE PROMISE LAND as long as I faithfully follow his lead. I must look forward to that promise and thankfully accept God's training in the desert--knowing that His grace is always sufficient for me at all time.